emotional=dumb @ relationships?

it's been suggested that i'm not as smart when it comes to relationships.

and while that may appear to be true, it's not. i think it's more of a matter that until i find out otherwise, i try to take people at face value, when, in the game of love, that can be an automatic foul. because to me, it's better for you to tell me the truth than lead me on. if you don't want me, say so. it might hurt but at least i know not to fuck with you anymore.

take for example what happened last night. as i've previously mentioned in this blog, i have what i refer to as "friends." and i called one of my friends, who, for this blog will be christened jalisa, just to see what she was up to. when jalisa and i get together usually, it involves me coming to her house and us just chillin and enjoying each other's time.

when i call, jalisa's watching tv. we're having a good conversation, one that doesn't end in fighting or one of us hanging up. i even invite her to go walking with me in the morning, as we both could stand to lose a few pounds. it was all good.

while i'm the phone with jalisa, i have to take another call, from my best friend ant, whom i can never seem to catch up to lately. he's always working, so i make the effort to talk to him for a bit. i tell jalisa i'll call her back.

and i do. we continue our conversation smoothly. she even asks me to come by. at that point it's around 11, and it's assumed i'll spend the night like i always do.

then jalisa gets a call. "who is this?" she says as i guess she's looking at her caller id. i make nothing of it at that point, but then jalisa blurts out a frantic, "i gotta go!"

"what?" i say.

"i gotta go. i'll talk to you later," jalisa spits, and then hangs up.

so you know what i'm thinking: it's a female. it's that really quick "i gotta go" that means, "if i don't answer this call my girl's gonna get mad." cause you know females can't stand it when you don't pick up the phone.

and that's cool (okay, not really), but i just don't like the way she hung up on me. it's not anything that causes any tears to form, but it stings a little. jalisa is somebody i'm trying not to have a crush on (cause she ain't the one), and she just pushed me aside. and then i think, our walk in the morning is off because i don't feel like being bothered with her.

she doesn't call back that night.

so this morning i wake up, feeling all right. i figure i'll blog today, read a little, make some dinner--all in all, i won't hear from jalisa. lo and behold, she calls twice, the missed call log says, when i wasn't near my phone. when i call her back about 15 minutes later, jalisa asks, "what happened to you? i thought you were gonna call me so we could go walking?"

"i don't appreciate you hanging up on me last night," i say.

"i didn't hang up on you. i told you i had to go," she explains. "so that's why you didn't call me? you know what, whateva...," jalisa says, and then hangs up.

i feel good for a minute, cause i told her how i felt about what she did last night. but then i start to think, hmmm...

see this is what i mean by emotional=dumb @ relationships. to someone good at the game, i'm considered to be weak because i play my hand a little more than i should. i can't help it. i'm an emotional being, and a person who believes you should say what you mean, even though that's not in the playas handbook.

and it's not the fact that i'm not smart, because most the time, my instincts let me know when someone ain't right or when they're not the one. it's just that sometimes my heart's beating so fast i can't listen.

the best playas are those who are void of any emotion when it comes to relationships, and that's just not me. i can't go through life not feeling anything, and hate playing games.

it's just not me.