it's something about white women...

"hey, girl," said keisha.

"hey, girl," said becky.

now these are the same two greetings, but said by two completely different people. one's coming from a woman with the same cocoa complexion as me, another's been uttered by a melanin-deficient co-worker. guess which one irks me the most?

my co-worker, God bless her, loves to call me "girl." even more irksome is when she calls me "girlie." it's just something about it that bothers me sometimes. i know (or at least, i think) she doesn't mean anything by it. she's a little bit country, a little bit bougie, the kind that's one generation from the backwoods. when this white woman calls me girl, it just makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end.

or even still, we'll be working on an assignment at her desk (it's our monthly task). her phone will ring, and she'll tell whomever's on her private line, "can i call you right back? i'm working on something right now with the girl in the office."

excuse me? last i checked, i had a name, a first and last one at that. so now i'm just "a girl"? and i also happen to think that i'm a woman, and not a girl. damn what britney spears says. (if you caught that reference, you gotta a little white girl in you, too!)

you may think i'm being too sensitive, but hell, it would drive you nuts when you live south of the mason-dixon line and have a southern accent calling out to you, "whatchu doing, gurl?"

i got my mojo working...

blog·spi·ra·tion /blôg spe-rā shen/
1.
a. stimulation of the mind or emotions to a high level of feeling or activity to write a blog.
b. the condition of being so stimulated to write a blog.
2. an agency, such as a person or work of art, that moves the intellect or emotions or prompts
action or invention or to write a blog.
3. something, such as a sudden creative act or idea, that is inspired to write a blog.
4. the quality of inspiring or exalting to write a blog: a blogfull of inspiration.
5. divine guidance or influence exerted directly on the mind and soul of humankind to write a blog.

call it whatever, i had lost my blogspiration, the mojo that motivates me to write. coupled with the fact that i've been a little burnt out from work and it's been a little dull in these parts, i just couldn't make it do what do, baby. i would come to blogger, start a blog and realize i wasn't feeling it. oh, well try it another day. and then a few days ago, things began clicking for me again. but decided to write this first to get the juices flowing.

sorry i've been rather absent, but brains nbooty is back, ready to spread my cheeks with more.

what do you want to be when you grow up...

as i rolled out of bed this morning, simultaneously welcoming and dreading a new day at work, i started thinking about all the careers i wanted as a child.

the days of becoming a pediatrician or a divorce lawyer are long gone, but why? as a little girl i had dreams that went far beyond my wildest dreams, expectations of a life that had no boundaries. my parents always instilled in me that faith that i could do anything i wanted with an education and hard work. and for the most part (except for bloody racism), they've been right, but where has my faith gone to?

when i was eight, i wanted to be a poet. at 11, i dreamed of being a pediatrician. at 13, i knew that i wanted to be a divorce lawyer, representing women in cases so they wouldn't get screwed over by their husbands. lastly, i dreamed of being a child psychologist, until my mother crushed my fantasy by informing me that most psychologists go crazy.

by high school, i had it figured out because i had to. college applications were due and you had to make a decision. i thought i had made the right one, until i went on an internship and instinctively knew this was not what i wanted to do with my life. then another career choice had to be made.

most people i know rarely end up in the field they majored in or have the career they fantasized about. when we're young, the sky's the limit -- then life happens. can you think back to what you wanted to be when you grew up? a doctor, a nurse, the president?

did you accomplish what you set out to be?

happy fucking new year!!!

it was two days ago that i received a voice message from an old friend, asking about plans for the weekend. this was completely out of the blue, as i hadn’t spoken to her in about three months.

“hi, this is sepia, just calling to see if you wanted to do something tonight or this weekend. call me.”

now sepia was practically engaged, co-habitating with this guy she met right out of college. but i happened to know she had a freakier side.

one that involved women.

lots of women, but discretely. it wasn’t something known to our classmates, both from high school and in college, but i knew years ago.

only because of an “interest” email she sent with her full name attached.

suffice it to say, she floored me. i didn’t know she swung that way. and i didn’t reply.

but now that i had this handy little information (and she didn’t know jack about my love for the ladies), i figured what the hell. i hadn’t hung out with sepia in a minute and it might be kinda cool to hang out with someone i’ve known for almost 12 years. after we graduated college, we kept in touch through the occasional email or im, but for the most part, it would give us a chance to catch up.

i call her back and we decide to simply go out to dinner and play it by ear afterwards.

sepia and i had a great time at dinner that next night, gabbing and laughing and like reunited old chums. hell, we practically lived in the same town all our lives. went to the same high school and college. we even fucked the same dude back when i was dating dudes. (long story, but we kinda became friends after we figured out we were both be played by the guy. and one wonders how i became a lesbian!)

so now it’s after dinner, and we’re trying to figure out what to do next. We decide on a bar, where we could get drinks and kick back. nothing like a few drinks to get you all loose as a goose. it’s then that we talk about sex and men – or at least her talk about men. it’s also where i came out to her.

we were discussing the freakiest place we’ve have sex, when i was simply, “sepia, you know i date women?” sometimes you simply have to lay your cards on the table, especially when you get tired of the pronoun game: trading “she” for “he,” using “their” instead of “her,” and so on.

“oh really,” sepia says. “like exclusively?”

“yeah. the last time i dated a man was almost 10 years ago,” i say.

“oh, okay,” she says, with a little intrigue in her eyes.

that’s when we discuss her first time with a woman. and mine.

and then we go to a dance club next door.

now i must say that my girl sepia is working with a lot. her breasts are divine. she’s more endowed than me – and i’m a dd. got some booty, too, but not as much as yours truly.

so we’re dancing in a club where the crowd is mixed, but they’re definitely playing more of our kind of music: 50 cent, luke, gwen. after a hitting about five songs, we take seats and sepia lights up. we’re seat dancing, too, especially when that atrocity, “my humps” comes on. as much as I hate it, the song does make you wanna dance. this guy next to us, who had been watching us for a while, makes us both get out of our seats to dance with him. he looked like a member of (ugly) pretty ricky, sprouted messy dreads, but hey, it’s new years and i’m in an excellent mood. my cell phone keeps going off in my pocket with wishes for the new year, from people even i’m surprised to hear from.

we both get up, up on each other and this stranger, where he’s in heaven dancing with two voluptuous women. because before us, he wasn’t getting any play. while i’m unfortunately feeling his dick against my ass, i’m trying to hold on tight to sepia. i wrapped my arm around her waist and try to pull her closer to me. poor guy, he doesn’t even realize i could care less that his erection (a small one at that) is poking against my booty. i was busy looking at sepia’s derrière.

all that grinding made me wish my period hadn’t come on that morning. but alas, who knows?

we simply ended the first morning of 2006 with promises to get together more often.