making it short and sweet....

http://www.GlitterMaker.com/

things you shouldn't see on christmas eve....

i made it out alive, but it's like people lose their minds when shopping for those last minute gifts. i just don't understand. being at my sister's for christmas, we spent the day going from store to store, trying to navigate traffic, and almost having to cuss some people out. but some things i saw was just ridiculous. like...

a cop jacking up somebody: so i'm waiting in the parking lot of a local grocery store, waiting for my sister to buy that last item of the day. i'm talking on the phone to jalisa when i see a police car roll up. a female police officer runs out the car, and jacks this young girl against a wall. i couldn't see much after that, cause of course at a black grocery store, everybody went running toward the commotion like a junior high fight. but when sis comes out the store only a couple of minutes later, she tells me that these two girls were trying to fight each other, and i saw one of the girls when we were leaving the parking lot. she looked like an angry h.a.m., with her mama pulling her toward their car. damn, i hope they weren't fighting over some knuckleheaded boy, but with two black females fighting, almost 95 percent of the time that's what it is.

a little white boy looking guilty as hell: we're walking into target, when this boy walks out the store, setting off the alarms and looking like he just stole something. of course, none of the security stop him. he hops on his bike and rolls off. now if that was one of "us," the black boy would have been thrown on the ground, with guns drawn. ah, good old fashioned racism.

a chinese man trying to cut me off for a parking space: oh no you didn't. this chinese guy sees me waiting on this parking space. i got my blinker on and everything, but his ass rolls around to the left of my car, trying to cut me off. luckily the sistah pulling out of the space nodded and gave me this look like, "you want this spot?" i nodded back, and she backed up with enough room for me to get around jackie chan and take the space. good looking out, sistah!!! if i knew who you were, i'd send you a christmas card with a dollar in it.

the madness that was best buy: the parking lot is small as hell. and the parking spaces are single-sided, so that if you pull into a spot, somebody could possibly meet you on the other side to get the same space. my sister had to block off a old guy who thought he was gonna pull in front of us. no, sir. and because of the massive amount of people in the store, it took us over 30 minutes just to get one gift certificate.

too many people in popeyes: damn, everybody black and their mommas was in the chicken chain, trying to get as much yard bird as they could get. the line was back to the door. this was about 8:00 at night. i saw more chicken flying than in a chicken coop. love that chicken from popeyes.

okay, it's time for me to start wrapping these gifts. hope everybody loves what i got em. if not, take it back your damn self.

p.s. just kidding...i love xmas!

wish me luck...

it's christmas eve, and i'm headed out to the mall...

what happened to ashanti (awww baby!!)....

it was almost four years ago that we first heard the voice of ashanti. fresh faced and full of spunk, she graced us with the woman's anthem of heartbroken love, foolish. her first, self-titled cd, ashanti sold over 500,000 copies its first week, and went on to rack up 4 million sales. she was the princess of hip-hop soul (i don't care what you say, y'all was rocking her cd no matter how many times she hit the wrong note). it was like 2002 was the year of ashanti....

...then a little birdie named beyonce came with a little cd called dangerously in love, and we all somehow forgot about ashanti. her second cd, chapter ii, though it had rock wit u (aww baby) and rain on me (still my favorite), it didn't do as well. and her next album, concrete rose, fell with a hard thud; hardly anybody bought it...well, except me.

now i'll be the first to admit that ashanti is not the best sounding female voice out there. she ain't no mariah...or mary...or monica...or keisha cole...or toni braxton...okay, i should stop while i'm ahead.

but one thing she did have was a passionate voice, and she was confident. even after people petitioned for her not to win the lady of soul entertainer of the year award in 2002, she took the criticism with grace, and kept on steppin. even when she got dissed for her sideburns, she didn't let it bother her. even when murder, inc. took some hard hits (thanks to the hilarious ja rule vs. 50 cent beef), she stuck by her label.

and where did it get her? making a damn remix album, ie. collectables by ashanti. i haven't rushed out to buy it yet, and i don't know if i will. i was hoping for a greatest hits, but this ain't it. i'll give it to her, though; i do love still on it. the beat is sick.

my money's on mary right now. her new cd, the breakthrough, comes out tuesday. mary's lookin the best she's ever looked in a while, and i'm loving be without you, the greatest single i've heard from her since my life and missing you. but mary had her fall-off days too, like ashanti. anybody remember her last album love & life? i do, but after the jammin first single, love at first sight, everybody turned blind to the rest of her cd. i don't even remember if there was second single released.

and if ever there was a poster child for fall-offs, mariah carey would be crowned america's next top model. after sinking to the depths of despair with glitter, she redeemed herself with the emancipation of mimi. (but i still love the glitter cd. stop hating!) she rode her comeback to success and has deservedly grabbed enough award nominations to choke a horse. but i'm proud of her though. people said she was knocked down for the count, and she managed to prove everybody wrong.

other fall-off mentionables: toni braxton. now, i love me some toni. she's classy and got that deep voice that'll probably make you cum if she sang in your ear. but i don't know what was going on with homegirl on libra. my friend butta played it for me one night and i was not impressed. toni has a great voice, but damn if i could make out a word she says. take for instance her last single, breathe (oops, i meant, please). i like the beat, i like her smooth vocals, but if you asked me what the hell the song was about, i damn sure couldn't tell you. her breathy voice is nice, but she sings with the enunciation of a garbage disposal. and take this ring, (or should i say, 1 thing) was the last straw. maybe if it had come out before amerie's chart-topping single, toni could have had a hit on her hands. now it's like she's picking up the leftovers from people who are trying to take her throne. i don't know what the solution for toni is, but i hope she finds it. maybe she needs to hook up with jermaine dupri...look what he did for mariah.

faith evans tried with the first lady. my anthem is again, even though i can't relate to the "catching a case" part. we saw faith get slimmer, but then we discovered it wasn't kanye's work-out plan that made her so small, more like the whitney houston diet (take five hits a day, berate your husband, and you too could look like me!). but i did love her cd. i don't know how well everyone else did, though. she has a christmas cd out now, a faithful christmas (okay, when is she gonna stop with the endless use of her name in album titles?); go cop it so she can give her kids a good xmas.

who else has fallen off? j-lo of course, but i never really cared for her in the first place. she can't sing worth a damn, but i really had to put my foot down when she sampled shirley murdock's as we lay for that horrid hold u down. how could shirley sink so low? damn, i know times are hard, but selling your sample to j-ho, a classic r&b slow jam (okay, forget it's about sleeping with a married man)? not acceptable.

other people i wonder about:
sunshine anderson: we had never heard it all before until she came. then she disappeared.
keke wyatt: there was nothing in this world she wanted to do but stab her husband. and she disappeared. i heard she's making a comeback, but i haven't heard anything yet.
blu cantrell: apparently hit em up style was her only hit. sad.
112: has anybody heard the current 112 single??
brian mcknight: what we do here stays in the store, too, huh?

falling off can be a hard thing to take, especially when you've been on top for a hot minute. i just know ashanti can find her way back. cause based on what i saw in beyonce's new video, check up on it, it's only a matter of time before jigga's girl falls off, too. hope she don't fall on her ass!!

it's a small world after all...

you know how they say it's only six degrees of separation between you and any person in the world. well, in the lesbian community, it's only about two...you, your girlfriend, and your ex.

and it's even smaller when you live in somewhat small city like i do.

the other night i was talking on the phone to a new potential love (or sex) interest, giggles. giggles and i began talking about our similar experiences trying to find a woman in a town like ours, where i've mentioned that all the women you'll find here are too young or got too much drama in their lives.

so she mentions this name to me. "do you happen to know a girl named coco?"

i'm wracking my brain, but then it becomes clear she's talking about a girl i went out on a couple of dates with a short time ago. coco and i talked on the phone, got a good vibe, and we met a couple of days later. we had an okay time, but the vibe i thought was there just waned once we actually met. after that, i don't talk to her much now, but it's apparent that the love connection wasn't going anywhere.

i ask giggles, "yeah, the name sounds familiar. what about her?" i'm trying probe her for more info, see what she knows about her.

"well, let me tell you...," she says, and proceeds to tell me that coco, unbeknownst to me, has a reputation of being a bug-a-boo. apparently she has issues with being alone, and attaches herself to anybody who gives her the attention. she's tried to date giggles and a few other women, without much luck. it's kinda bad to have co-dependency issues when you're just getting to know someone, but it's even worse when people know about them before they meet you.

"mom, do you ever get that not-so-fresh feeling?"

all i went in there for was the dental floss.

i walked into hillary's bathroom, and the stinch overwhelmed me.

damn, she's on her period...

it's amazing how the four tablespoons of blood women lose every month can produce smells that make you test your gag reflexes. how only one always pad left on a little too long can make all the neighborhood cats come running.

it's always been a stigma (probably started by smart-ass men) that women smell like fish on their rags. we even had jokes in high school all about some poor girl who probably didn't change her pad as often as she should have, and didn't smell summer's eve fresh like those white girls walking along the beach with their mothers discussing "not-so-fresh" feelings. no, this girl was dubbed "stank" or "fishy." nobody wanted to sit by her.

and hillary's bathroom took me back. her lovely bouquet almost singed my nose hairs when i stepped in. i had to politely hold my nose for what seemed like eternity, fumbling through her medicine cabinet to find this small box to pick the leftover meat from dinner out my teeth. after i've breathed through my mouth about a good 10 times, i find what i'm looking for and walk out, taking gulps of the fresh air into my punctured lungs.

and it got worse. hilary's special aroma lasted...and lasted...and lasted up through the night. even when i got up in the morning i could still smell it lingering as i brushed my teeth.

thank God she has a spare bathroom. and thank God we couldn't have sex that night. how can you even think about sex after your breathing capabilities have been taken at gunpoint by the red bandit?

i don't need my "red wings" that bad (or really ever, for that matter.)

i love gay bois...

meet my three boyfriends: ant, butta, and errick...

i have three men in my life whom i can count on, who'll tell me in a new york minute when i need "to do something" with my hair or outfit, and who i never have to worry about trying to get in my panties. as ant is fond of saying, "pussy...eww..."

yes, i'm fag hag. i love my bois, and they love me. i think everyone should have a gay man in their life. it's just something about the gay man that i love, whether its their sense of style, their dramatic flair or just the way on a good day, they can look prettier than me. being friends with women is cool, but with gay men, you can get the friendship of a woman, but still know that he has the sense of a man. even being a lesbian, that can come in handy sometimes. and gay men, unlike women, aren't in competition with you. for one, their confidence is much higher than woman, in the sense that they know they're the shit and you can't tell them otherwise. and they have the gaydar of a rabid bloodhound looking for fresh meat, pun intended; they can tell you within moments of meeting a man whether he's up for dick or on the down-low.

errick, ant, and butta are no exception, and all are different in their own ways. they represent the varied spectrums of gay men.

ant is the big boi of the bunch. he's not feminine but not exactly masculine. he's what you would call a "bottom," but doesn't have a bottom mentality. ant has his own mind and wants to be equal with his partner and doesn't want to be seen as "wifey" or the typical limp-wristed, lip-gloss wearing gay man. i'm closest to him, and talk to him almost every day.

errick is the most feminine, gorgeous in a pretty way, but still has a manly persona. errick is also versatile and very intelligent, into the arts and literature but can booty shake with the best of them.

butta is the masculine gay man. if you didn't know better, he could fool you with his preppy dress and clean-cut appearance. butta's a "top," and won't allow any man to make him feel like a bitch (ie., he ain't dropping the soap).

these three provide me with absolute moments of hysteria, from telling a simple story about how he fucked some dude to just telling me about the new cute guy at work. not that i want to hear it necessarily, but hearing their tales can brighten up my day.

"girl, it's this man at my job," ant coos. "ooh, he is so fine. i'd like to work him out after work one day."

"boy, you so crazy," i say.

or, i ask, "what did u do last night"?

"i let this nigga suck my dick," butta says. then he proceeds to give me all the dirty details.

them my bois, them my bois.

my ass is like whoa...

okay, i swiped this from another blog, but it was cute...

this describes me to a tee, but i happen to think i'm a little more outgoing

and a lot less innocent.


MYA: Dont be fooled by this innocent-looking
girly, cause inside, there's a tough woman who
knows what she wants. You are a sweet girl who
is down for her friends and will also stand up
for them when needed. Your unique sense of
style shows how much you value your
individuality, only comin' out with clothes
that make you, not define you. Who can't resist
a spicy, yet sweet chica like you? Girl, you've
definitely got it goin on.

Which female R&B artist are you?
brought to you by

whodini might be on to something....

i'm gonna take you back...way back.

remember whodini's hit song "friends"? yeah you know it. sing it in your head or out loud. now i don't wanna see nobody grinding their ass doing the snake. (damn, just thinking about that dance makes me feel old).

but it goes a little something like this:

"friends...
how many of us have them?
friends...
the ones we can depend on."

it made me think about who's really down with me. my father, old sage he is, always told me you never have as many friends as you think. he says, and he almost hurt my feelings explaining this years ago, is that you really only have as many friends as you have fingers on one hand. not to be cruel, but it goes that your "true friends," are the ones who will ride or die with you. they'll loan you money (and not begrudgingly), take care of you, always be there and will do anything for you without hesitancy. not crazy shit, but their loyalty will never be doubted.

now i truly understand what he meant. (damn, i hate it when he's right...it just gives him more ammunition...)

these days, friends like that rare. people treat relationships like kleenex, and half the time you'll be using one to dry up your tears from the betrayal. take for example my former roommate. we moved out of our apartment about three years ago, and it's been almost that long since we've talked. this is the girl i used to share my love life and wild thoughts with (and vice versa), and she would always be on the same page with me. i was there when her father passed away barely a month after we had signed our lease. we used to stay up nights talking about all the things we wanted out of life.

then we moved out of our apartment one summer two years later. and things just weren't the same. we saw each other few more times. went to some clubs. hit walmart, our regular joint we practically lived in. we began school that fall and lost touch...or should i say she lost touch with me. i would call, she wouldn't answer or call me back days later.

and to this day, i still don't know why. we have mutual friends who ask me where she is cause even they haven't seen her in a hot minute, and because at the time, we had appeared so close.

i thought we did, too.